The Truth About Deception

Here are some ‘think it overs’ about liars and lying. Men lie to preserve their reputation; women lie to avoid conflict. People of faith color-code (sugarcoat) their lies by using the term, “white lie”. People in business lie when they “over promise and under deliver." People in dating relationships lie when they say, “Your past is not important to me”. Students lie anytime they plagiarize an academic paper and pass it off as their own. And last, pastors lie when they cut and paste the totality of another pastor’s sermon and present it as their own. Minimizing, exaggeration, or withholding important information all constitute a lie.

Below I offer ten lies commonly made by both men and women. (Yes, I did the reseach)

Lies Men Tell (not in any particular order)
1. I never said that.
2. I don’t know.
3. We will talk about this later.
4. I forgot.
5. I was only kidding.
6. I’m on my way home.
7. I don’t look at p*rn.
8. This was an interesting meal.
9. I’m sorry (usually because the man has been caught).
10. Your career is just as important as mine.

Lies Women Tell (not in any particular order)
1. You’re right.
2. Five minutes.
3. Don’t worry about it.
4. I didn’t marry you for your money.
5. I can’t talk, my phone is about to die.
6. I’m not mad at you.
7. I got it on sale.
8. Fine.
9. I wouldn’t change a thing about you. 10. I won’t get mad, I promise.

Below I offer my five stages of lying. Lying simply does not happen overnight. 

First, UNAWARENESS: a person is absolutely unaware that an untruth they are about to tell is in fact, a lie. This may happen because they did not ‘fact check’.

Second, SELF DESCEPTION. people rationalize or give themselves permission to speak a falsehood. This can be tied to entitlement orientation or very simply, outright arrogance.

Third, PROJECTION. At some point the lie being told has become a new reality to the liar and therefore attempts to pass off or project their reality onto others.

Four, DEFENSIVE. When the liar has been discovered (and in time, truth comes out) there will be the need to defend their reality.

Five, EXTENSIVE COVER UP. When truth does come out the liar is forced to make up more likes, to cover up the original lie.


Liars 101: Characteristics

People who lie (and some, are really, really good and convincing!)…

• Are inordinately defensive.
• Shift focus off themselves, often blame shifting onto another.
• Offer vague answers to specific questions.
• Conversely, are overly descriptive or elaborate when providing an answer to a relatively simple question.
• Use emotion to provide validation or proof of their position.
• Unwilling to recognize the needs or opinions of others.
• Very little (avoidance) OR too much eye contact (intimidation).

Liars 201: How did this get developed?
 

• Lying is a sin. Lying is one of seven behaviors God “hates” (Prov. 6. 16f.).
• Lying is an attribute seen in a person with low self-esteem.
• Because of the above point (#2), lying is a form of self-protection, keeping an unsuspecting world at arm’s length.
• Lying, at some point, will involve rationalization or a inner self talk that gives the liar permission or justification to perpetrate the falsehood.
• Lying, if gone undetected, becomes an entrenched and well-practiced character flaw that the person lives by.
• Lying is commonly seen, and thrives, in religious communities that are big on “grace” but struggle with confronting truth.

I am feeling a rant coming on so I will stop here … I AM NOT LYING!