It’s Complicated

Dr. Bill Effler • January 12, 2026

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After noticing the frequent use of "It's Complicated" on Facebook, I became curious about the word "complicated".

In medicine and computer science, "complicated" denotes complex situations—like a compound fracture in medicine or an unpredictable virus in computer systems. However, in everyday use, "It's complicated" often serves as a defensive dodge, implying blame or a reluctance to fully engage in honesty. Simply stated, "It's none of your business." This contrasts with previously mentioned technical definitions, where complexity is understood without assigning fault.

In relationships, recognizing the interconnectedness of our lives is essential; just as Earth is connected to the heavens above and the ocean tides below. Individual decisions play a pivotal role in shaping these connections. Very few decisions do not impact someone, somehow or somewhere. In marriage counseling I often need to remind both individuals and couples, "You are thinking like a single person".

"It's complicated”. Oftentimes, it is not. I have been reminded numerous times by an illustrator I work with, Paula Friedman, "In art, less if often best." She is also fond of saying, "I can look at a painting I have finished and think, 'I could have done that better'". Hidden in Paula's two comments are two truths that can effectively "uncomplicate" a situation. First, especially with extroverts and 'talkers', less is best. PLEASE, think before you speak. And two, there are times when it would be invaluable to revisit a conversation, a misunderstanding and ask, "Could I have said/done that differently." I am reminded of wise council found in the book of Revelation, chapter two. An entire church had got off track and lost its priorities. To them, God simply said, "Go back and do the things you did at first."

"It's complicated" ...perhaps not as much as you would like to think.

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