The Dreaded Question

Dr. Bill Effler • January 12, 2026

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I heard a panel of therapists grapple with the question: "What constitutes true authenticity?" One person said Many people can be transparent about the past but not nearly as forthcoming about an unreconciled present.

Pause and let these last two sentences sink in; reread it if you must. The way people typically recount events of the past tends to be fairly scripted, matter-of-fact, or "been there and done that". Question, "Could it be then that sharing, in what appears to be an authentic way about the past, is in fact manipulation or misrepresentation, particularly if one is not as open to reveal matters that are being currently concealed?"  Your thoughts?

Now, let's confront the DREADED QUESTION, "What is it that you hope I do not ask you?" This question often reveals something that is being avoided, a secret that's been buried, a lie that's been 'redefined', or an area of our lives where we know we need to make a change but haven't. So, is there a question or topic you hope never comes up between you and a good friend? Reflect on this, as it could be a key to your personal growth.

The panel concluded with a powerful reminder: 'We are all broken people, no one is perfect, not one. Most, if not everyone, spins or presents uncomfortable chapters of their lives so they do not look nearly as questionable as they once were.' A regular part of life is tied up with the loose ends where we hope to make progress or reconcile an area of your life that's been marred by past disappointment or pain. I know I have mine.

We all need the support of others to navigate the past. But how about the present? Are you equally forthcoming about a present challenge, dilemma, fear, or concern that you hope no one asks about? And so I close with an older, often-used statement that holds truth today: "No one is as sick as their secrets". And add, you can either become comfortable with the story of your past and 'live it out for others to see and perhaps learn from' OR, spend the rest of your life running from what may be, the most significant chapter of your life."

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