Learn to ask better questions
Dr. Bill Effler • January 12, 2026
For years I would share with my counseling students, “Asking a better question can be far more effective than delivering a well-intentioned (even a good information) statement.

Below I share a handful of questions that can keep a conversation going and going deeper. These are what I call universal questions and can be found between a husband and wife, work colleagues or a barista serving her customer.
One bottom-line truth about asking questions is, “Ask open-ended questions that do not paint a person into a box.” Stated differently, if you want to draw a person into a deeper conversation, then stay clear of thinking questions, or questions that subtly are ‘calling for the question’.
Here are examples of ‘go to’ questions I often ask:
- How did _____________make you feel when you saw or ______?
- What is most challenging or difficult part about this idea?
- Have you considered what was behind their action?
- Is there something I can do to help you with this?
- What influenced you most in making that decision?
- How has ______________changed your thoughts about_________ ?
- Does their approach to ___________line up with your values?
- What led you to that decision?
- What happens of nothing changes?
- Can anything good come out of this?
- What will life look like if this issue (do not use the word, ‘problem’) is not addressed?
- What’s God up to in all this?
- How does God factor into that experience?
- Can you see how ____________ could be a faith-developing experience?
- Can you be at peace with yourself if you ___________? Or,
- Can you be at peace with yourself if you do not ____________?
- At the end of the day, how might you feel about making this decision?
- How might this decision most effect you as you ‘moving forward’.
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