Learn to Ask Better Questions

For years I would share with my counseling students, “Asking a better question can be far more effective than delivering a well-intentioned (even a good information) statement. Below I share a handful of questions that can keep a conversation going and going deeper. These are what I call universal questions and can be found between a husband and wife, work colleagues or a barista serving her customer.

One bottom-line truth about asking questions is, “Ask open-ended questions that do not paint a person into a box.” Stated differently, if you want to draw a person into a deeper conversation, then stay clear of thinking questions, or questions that subtly are ‘calling for the question’.

Here are examples of ‘go to’ questions I often ask:
 
  • How did _____________make you feel when you saw or ______?
  • What is most challenging or difficult part about this idea?
  • Have you considered what was behind their action?
  • Is there something I can do to help you with this?
  • What influenced you most in making that decision?
  • How has ______________changed your thoughts about_________ ?
  • Does their approach to ___________line up with your values?
  • What led you to that decision?
  • What happens of nothing changes?
  •   Can anything good come out of this?
  • What will life look like if this issue (do not use the word, ‘problem’) is not addressed?
  • What’s God up to in all this?
  • How does God factor into that experience?
  • Can you see how ____________ could be a faith-developing experience?
  • Can you be at peace with yourself if you ___________? Or,
  • Can you be at peace with yourself if you do not ____________?
  • At the end of the day, how might you feel about making this decision?
  • How might this decision most effect you as you ‘moving forward’.