Emotional Intelligence and Problem Solving

We live in an increasingly ‘reactive’ culture. Rather than stepping back, taking a breath, considering consequences or looking at the bigger picture people often say the first thing that crosses their mental radar screen. The adage, ‘Better to keep silent and be thought a fool than open the mouth and remove all doubt’ fits here. It has often been said of me, “The difference between Bill and most people is that Bill will tell you what he thinks.” Let me tell you, there is an upside and a downside to this. Over time, I have become better at waiting and giving a ‘measured response’ rather than unpack the whole wagon when only one cow shows up to be fed.

Below are what I call five “emotional realities” that if not acknowledged, are sure fire ways of getting a person in deep relational trouble and, in a hurry. For this blog to work for you, imagine a tense time that you have had or anticipate having. The following are key ideas to keep in the forefront of your mind and emotions.
 

• Do not discount or minimize the reality of your emotions. Every one of us has a CEO; a ‘Chief Emotional Officer’. Your CEO must be acknowledged and managed. Acknowledged emotions can serve as indicators that point the way to successful decision making. Ignored emotions can become unreasonable dictators of an unrecognized reality. If current emotions are not acknowledged there is high likelihood that a person will ‘react’ (impulsive behavior) rather ‘respond’ (intentional behavior). Note the two “I” words here, “impulsive” and “Intentional”. These two words function, in tension, with one another. Admittedly, this is most difficult to do in highly volatile situations but... you must learn to real yourself in.

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• Do not allow a setback to emotionally define you. I understand the disappointment of an unmet goal or a yet to be accomplished dream. A difficult reality is this, a temporary roadblock could be a steppingstone to something better or, is keeping you out of trouble. I was told early in my career, “The difference between excellence and mediocrity is how one handles disappointment.”

• Do not avoid having difficult conversations on any topic. Authentic and healthy relationship have a ‘No holes barred’ orientation when it comes to problem solving, living in tension and moving forward.

• Do not mistake your opinion as a fact. To avoid this pitfall the phrase, “fact check” is used in business. It is very easy for these two words, “opinion” and “fact” to become intermingled. This is to say, what a person thinks is “fact” is really, their opinion.

• Do not sacrifice emotional safety in any relationship. The concept of emotional safety is at the epicenter of a high-quality decision-making or problem-solving environment. Whether we are talking about a conversation between two people or a decision-making body, every individual must feel free to express their point of view without fear of retribution, punishment or contaminating toxicity.